07-14-15

I'm doing some writing right now because it seems like I keep having this periodic voice in my head stating the single word:  writing.

Either I'm starting down the road of schizophrenia or perhaps it's some form of prompting.  I'm hoping the former since it seems to come up in highly spiritual settings like when I received a priesthood blessing last Sunday.

Part of me thinks maybe this random voice could be encouraging me to write as a creative outlet.  Part of me thinks I might just need to journal/ blog more.  Supposedly it helps to write out feelings.  I certainly had a difficult last couple days so perhaps with any luck writing out feelings will help alleviate that.

I am not pleased with how I handled a major cry spell from Bentley on Sunday.  I also wasn't pleased with how much I spazzed out when Ceci snapped at me.  Blech.  I'd rather avoid all that if possible.  I would like to treat the fam with gentleness and love.  No more, no less.  So that's the plan.

I will now attempt a bit of free association to see if any feelings work their way out.  Overall, I feel pleased with life.  My job stresses me out at times but it's manageable overall.  Oddly enough that might be the first time I can say that in years.  I have some inner concerns about how good of a dad I am.  I try my best, I hope to do my best.

I have some inner nerves about the upcoming birthday celebration for James.  I get nervous at the prospect of being around my other family members.  This makes sense given the history.

I really do love Ceci and I was thinking tonight about how excellent of a mother she is.  I'm so pleased with how she rears our children.

There.  That should do for free associating tonight.